Word of G.

MOOD

In my life, everything depends on my mood. I can’t do this if I don’t feel like it. I can actually but it feels like I’m dragging myself because of the need to do it. Say for an instance when I listed on my to-do list about making a speech for my friends’ 18th birthday I spent the whole afternoon trying to finish it but nothing good came into my mind! I feel like I was going crazy. But that night I was emotional because of some dad issues so I thought of doing my speech to pass the bad feeling and after a few minutes I was done! The hell?

I wrote, “Hi Fran! Finally, you’re 18! The memories we shared are just too many to mention. May it be embarrassing, happy or hate. But these memories measure how friendship works and made us what we are right now. I wish you all the best and happiness in the future! Happy Birthday.” I tried to remember these lines and not let the nerves get the better of me because I suck a lot at remembering things!!!

Post Decluttering Depression

I didn’t know what I had until it was gone.  I gave away this thing (which I then realized “it’s not just some thing”) to my friend because I thought it would be good for me and I thought I don’t need it anymore but I was wrong. I felt guilty and somehow empty, I’m missing it so badly at the point that I can’t sleep just thinking of why I didn’t make it as important. I want to tell her that I want it back but I’m afraid that I might hurt her feelings because she once told me that she is already obsessing with it. I have no one else to blame but myself. I really hate my impulsive and indecisive nature.

So I tried what I have to do. And it did not come out as I wanted to. Things do not always come out how we want it to be. So we just have to stand for what is done and I guess learn from it.

A Fraction Of A Second

I thought this day would get any worse. I didn’t get a seat during the mass, my dad knew my whereabouts, and I was afraid I would not see him. Surprisingly, the mass was about to end with a song from the seminarians. I was standing at the back when unexpectedly someone said, “Excuse me, Merry Christmas” and gave me a Christmas Card then left. It happened so fast that it passed in a blur. My heart was in shock but I wasn’t sure if it was really him or was I just imagining because I am crushing on him. After I read the card I still could not believe that the total stranger whom I like found me before I did. My heart pumped like I was having an adrenaline rush. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to personally thank him and talk to him but I felt timid and unsure that all of it has been just inside my head. When I looked back he was gone. As I was going out of the church I saw an old woman holding the same card and I said to myself, “Maybe it’s not just me.” I went inside the Sacred Heart Shrine and prayed. After that, I sat outside not knowing the gentlemen who were sitting beside me were his fellow seminarians. One greeted me a pleasant morning. I trusted my gut and took the chance to ask if they’re giving cards to everybody. He said no, and asked who gave it to me. I showed him the name written below in the card. He replied, “Ah Luigi!” The seminarian called him. He approached me in a shy way. I thanked him and shook his hand. He asked what my name was and he smiled and left (again!*). His friends were accommodating me and asking me questions I just answered but inside me was still in the state of shock. I was about to leave when they were also, his friends walked with me and their pathway was almost the same as mine. I knew it is their last day in the church. They were still asking a lot of questions and I just answered hoping he would ask them about me. As I was heading home my dad called, very angry that I left alone in the dark morning. With weary eyes I rushed towards home. Few paces and I am home when I felt that the card was missing in my pocket. My heart was crying and I came back. Screw my father, I didn’t care if he thinks why in the world am I not home yet. I didn’t find it. I went home feeling tragic. Little did I know that my dad left for Don Salvador and I still couldn’t be scolded until the moment he comes back. Now I have the opportunity to search for it again! I searched the path where I passed when I headed home and from afar lying on the ground I eventually found it!